I often see clients who feel stuck in a difficult situation and who feel as though nothing will ever change. They want to move forward but they worry about being judged or making the wrong choice – and this can feel terrifying. They describe a permanent feeling of anxiety; that familiar knot in the stomach that comes with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that just won’t go away.
Does any of this feel familiar?
Psychologist Eric Berne said:
““The moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing.”
― Eric Berne
When we feel stuck we often mull over the same thoughts in our minds over and over again. We feel confused and our confusion fuels our anxiety. It becomes a vicious circle.
A safe space
Counselling can help to untangle some of your uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and get to the root of what lies behind them. Giving voice to, and exploring, your most private thoughts and feelings with a counsellor can feel risky and it can come with feelings of embarrassment, shame or guilt. But taking that first courageous step to being your true self, knowing that you won’t be judged, can also be liberating.
Peeling away the layers
I like to see counselling as being similar to the process of peeling away the layers of an onion in order to allow the hidden parts to emerge. With the help of a counsellor, you can uncover beliefs that you hold about yourself and other people that have been out of your awareness for many years. Or you can give yourself permission to allow emotions that you’ve learned to suppress to come to the surface for the first time. Exploring your difficult emotions can bring to light patterns of behaviour that have become part of your day to day life without you knowing it.
When we stop worrying about making a mistake or feeling judged by other people we often begin to see the world around us more clearly. It’s not unusual for a penny to suddenly drop and to see a way forward – to hear the birds sing for the first time.
